An unexpected, but welcome, adoption.

My husband and I had no plans in the works to become parents through adoption. It just sort of happened. We were trying, albeit not very hard, to have a second child and it just wasn’t happening. We didn’t plan for the first, so why plan for the second. Our thoughts were, if it’s meant to be, it will happen. Well it happened, just not the way we expected.
We had gotten word that a relative had their child placed into DHS custody. They wanted him to be placed with family and were calling around to different members of the family trying to find someone to take him in. My husband and I spent MANY nights up late discussing the situation and wondering if this was the best thing for our family. I was already staying at home with our oldest son and there wasn’t anything stopping us from saying no. We came to the decision that we were in the position to take him in.
At this point he was placed with a wonderful foster family. We called the social worker and put our names in the bucket for a placement choice. During this time we learned that he had several developmental issues and some physical deformities as well. We’re starting to second guess ourselves now, and are wondering if we made the right choice, are we getting into something we will regret. After several discussions with the social worker we decided that keeping him with the foster family was the best choice for him at this point. We lived an hour and a half from him and his parents, and with one of his physical deformities it wasn’t the best choice to have him in the car for several hours a week driving to and from visits with the biological parents. We agreed to still be an option if things were to change. We figured that him joining our family just wasn’t meant to be and went on with our lives.
A couple months later the social worker calls me and says that the foster family has decided that he would be better off placed with family, and like that we were in the running again. We then started the process of having a home study done to become relative placements. That required us filling out paperwork about us and our household, asking for references from friends and family and having someone come into our home twice to ask questions and make sure that we had a safe living environment. Then we just waited. Waited for the home study to be turned in, waited for it to be approved, waited for the social worker to call, and waited for him to join our home. During all the waiting, I started going through things I had stored away from our first child sorting out clothes and making sure we had what we needed.
While waiting we had the opportunity to meet the little guy. The foster family welcomed us into their home. It was like love at first sight. We had heard so much about him, but had only seen pictures up to this point. He was the smallest little guy ever. I had expected a normal sized baby for his age and was very surprised to see how tiny he really was. He stole our hearts. Finally a month later we got the phone call that he could be placed in our home whenever. He joined us on my birthday. It was once of the best birthday presents ever.
The first few months were overwhelming. Not only did someone new join our family, but that person also came with doctor appointments, parental visits and worker visits. We were prepared to have jealousy issues with our oldest, but we had the opposite. He would cry every time the baby went to see his biological family. He would become very possessive of anyone who held him, saying things like “Don’t take him away, he’s mine” Or “He lives with us, you can’t take him.” We were worried about what would happen when the baby went back home to his biological family because he had a huge attachment.
We started PS-MAPP classes to become foster parents. After taking a class one night a week for 10 weeks (technically ours was 11 weeks due to a cancellation), filling out what felt like thousands of papers and more home visits, we were finally approved to be foster parents. By the time the approval for foster parents came through he had been in our home for 180 days which meant that he could now be adopted by us. We then started the paperwork to adopt.
It felt like a long process, it was almost 9 months he had been with us, just under 12 months he had been in the system. I know that there are others out there that go through a lot more time and money to be able to adopt a child. Here we are, not looking for adoption, and it falls into our lap. There is a time and plan for everything. My husband and I agreed that if we had another child when we wanted one, there was no way we would’ve been able to take in our new little guy. To all of you parents out there or those who are trying so hard and just keep hitting road blocks. It will happen when it is meant to. Sometimes we try to control so many aspects of our life that we need to take a step back and let things happen the way God planned.